Last Place Loser: A Guide to Failure
By Stevee Ashlock
Seek approval from others. Living by other’s approval is a no-win situation. Your entire life will be sucked away from you. Somewhere you lose yourself and forget your original purpose. Life is aimless without passion and purpose, whether in your business or personal life. Live with meaning and direction. Take time to re-evaluate your life and make the necessary adjustment to live a fulfilling and rewarding life.
Try to please everyone. There is a song from the seventies that says, “Can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself.” Well, I would not go that far, but it does have a point. Trying to please everyone is frustrating, because it is an unobtainable task! Most people want to be liked, so they go with the majority’s desire. The best solution is to seek out the truth and do the right thing. Stay true to your inner beliefs.
Do it all yourself. Doing it yourself is a great learning lesson, but it is timely and costly. We are human; therefore, everyone has limitations. There is a saying, “Divide and conquer!” A key to leadership requires learning how to properly manage and delegate responsibilities. Know when to call in the troops. There is no shame in admitting you need help.
Become a worry wart. Why Worry, Be Happy is a great tune to whistle when doom set into your mind. Great energy is spending worry about things that more than likely will never come to pass. If they do, it is only because you gave it energy and set yourself up for the prediction.
Continuously doubt yourself and abilities. Doubt will eat up your self-confidence. The world continuously bombards you with negativism. It is your duty to shield yourself and not absorb this energy by allowing it to affect your sense of well-being. This includes your mind, body and spirit.
Be driven by fear and guilt. F- False E-Expectations A-Appearing R-Real: Fear is the strongest of all emotions. Look around you to see how advertisers use fear based campaigns to sell their products or services. It is an instant seller, because everyone can relate to it. Fear will control more of what you chose not to do, than what you chose to do. Guilt operates similar to fear, but in reverse. Often people will do things under the pressure of guilt that they normally would never do under regular circumstances. Image how much more rewarding your life may be if you would eliminate fear and guilt from your life.
Be controlled by emotions. Emotions are in continuous change and often are not stable. If you are basing decisions on how you feel at that moment, you are setting yourself up for major disasters! Never make an important decide in the heat of passion, positive or negative. Take time to step away to distance yourself from the situation emotionally and take a complete overview, before moving forward.
Live in resentment and anger. Anger creates explosive conditions. Turning anger inward destroys your physical and mental health. Acting out your aggressions will cause permanent, irreversible damage. Allow others the human factor and take the step to let go of your resentment. Give yourself permission to be freed from its bond. The freedom you will experience will release untapped energy you could never image you have.
Focus on the problem, not the solution. Whenever a situation arises, resists the urge to point the finger and blame others. Instead, reverse your thinking and focus on the solution. How are you able to resolve the situation by creating a winning outcome for everyone involved?
Believe materialism will make you happy. Money is not the root of all evil, but many people choose to worship it. Obviously, as responsible citizens, spouses, parents, etc., we want to provide the best we can for our loved ones. Be careful not to lose the balance and get your priorities turned upside down. What you care most about is where you spend your most time and efforts. Material things come and go with different life situations. Validating your value system on how many toys you have collected, has no stability. Life changes on a dime, but your value system should remain consistent.
Is Your Home Really Safe?
By Stevee Ashlock
Do you always set your alarm? You may think of using our home alarm system when you are away on vacation or going to work for the day. Have you thought about the fifteen minute when you go to the grocery store, the ten minutes you stop by the neighbor’s to chat, working in the yard or even the two minutes it takes you to walk to the mailbox and back? What about when you are home? You and your family are the most valuable possessions you have!
Beware if you think, “This won’t happen to me, because I live in a lovely, gated neighborhood.” Thieves, rapists and killers look for the one moment of opportunity to slip into your home. It could be through an unlocked door or window. Just because you close the doors or windows, it does not mean they are entry-proof.
Amazingly…nearly half of the homes that are robbed do not have their alarm systems turned on! Don’t be caught off guard; use multi-layers of protection. This includes, but not limited to, motion and light sensors, window locks, deadbolts, security cameras, voice intercom at entry doors, guard dog or a yappy puppy.
Do you have your alarm company sign posted? If so, take it down and replace it with a generic sign that reads, “Home Protected by Professional Security System.” That way, you are not giving away inside secrets as to which system you are using. Thieves can easily get a hold of the information needed to disarm a particular system.
Do you keep your curtains open? It is a great pick-me-up to have a golden ray of sunshine beaming through your living room window during the day. Although, if you can see out, then others can see in. If you would like to let the sunlight enter, turn your shades so the slats angle down, not up. This way, you can see out, but it is very difficult to see in. Remember, shears are called shears because they are just that…shear! Be especially wary of first floor windows after dark. Don’t forget to close the shades all the way at night.
Can you see in your front door area? This is basically the same concept as your windows, only worse. Since most front doors are near the stairs or main hallway, you can be seen approaching the door to check out who is there. Even if you cover the entry windows with shears or stained glass, your shadow can be detected. Additionally, if you have a peep hole in your front door, someone can peek in at you as well as you can peek out at them. A better solution is to have a solid wood or steel door without any windows or peep hole. Make sure to have deadbolts on all entry doors.
Invest in a security camera and voice intercom for the front entry. Place a “No Trespassing” sign by your driveway, a “Beware of Dog” sign on your back fence and a “No Solicitors” sign by your front door. You may not win the “Friendliest Neighbor” award, but you will at least be alive long enough for your neighbors to despise you.
Do you leave the same lights on constantly? Purchase inexpensive timers for a few lights throughout your house. Set them as you would normally use them. With your lights going off and on a regular basis, no one will be suspicious. Keep driveways and front entrances well lit. Outside lights should be on motion sensors.
Do you have shrubbery too close to the windows? Keep window and door areas free of overgrown bushes and trees. Additionally, make sure to put away your ladder at the end of the day. A ladder left out is an open invitation to your second story windows!
Do you always answer the doorbell, even when you are not sure who it is? If you do, you need to have your head examined! Turn on the nightly news for enlightenment. With many criminals, it is just a numbers game. Your house may be selected at random. Even if the person appears to be legit, ask for identification, especially if you did not call them.
Once you have their information, call to check them out. Call the number listed in the phone directory, not the one on the business card. That could be a scam.
If the person is legit, they will not be offended by being checked out and will appreciate your precaution. Another benefit is that you will not be guilted into buying candy and promotional items for the neighborhood school kids!
Are all your valuable hidden in the bedroom? Burglars will check the bedroom first before going anywhere else. They know to look under the mattress, in the dresser drawers, in coat pockets and shoes, etc. If you do not have a lock box or a safe, be creative. Use a hollowed out book, empty soup can, an old laundry soap box, etc. For extremely valuable items and papers, rent a safety deposit box at your bank.
Do you have a regular routine that can be easily followed? Do you seem to do the same routine things every day? A criminal mind will fixate on the times when you are away; therefore, alter your schedule so you are not predictable. This will throw them off.
Do you receive your mail at home? This is not a good idea, unless you have a very secure mailbox. Even so, it is not a good idea to put your home address on your credit card bills, monthly statements, etc. Instead, invest in a small mailbox at your local US Post Office. It is not very expensive, and your mail will be secure. Be sure to send in a courtesy “Hold Mail” card when you are out of town.
Do you tell your neighbors or coworkers you when you will be out of town? Only tell one trusted friend or neighbor. Do not announce it to everyone you know! By all means, do not leave a voice mail message stating you are out of town. This includes not using an auto out-of-the-office email response.
Safety Tips:
Change your garage doors to solid doors without windows. Park your car in the garage. No one will know if you are home or not. This will keep a burglar guessing, especially if you have lights on in different areas of your house.
Back your car into the garage so you can pull straight out when you leave.
Don’t turn your car engine off until the garage door has completely closed.
Leave your keys in your car in case of an emergency or a quick get-away. Bonus – you won’t waste time looking for your keys!
Do not drive away until the garage door closes completely.
When returning home after dark, pick your mail up while still in your car.
Use automatic outside flood lights and motion sensors that clearly light up your driveway and walkways by your house.
When traveling, use the hotel safety box at the front desk. Do not leave the key in your hotel room. Lock your electronics in your suitcases while you are out.
When Children Hurt
By Stevee Ashlock
Most often we think of children as little ones. Although, as adults, we are still the children of our parents. As adult children, it is painful to see our parents age. Once our rock and foundation, we depended on their wisdom to solve all the worldly problems. Now, it hurts to see that their end is near as their health, mobility and mental sharpness start to dissipate. The slow decline in their independence is inevitable. They become unsure of themselves, which in turn restricts their lives.
Daily activities are routine, because anything out of the ordinary may set in place a chain of terror. Their golden years start to mesh into days of doctor appointments and scheduled medications. It is devastating to watch parents’ eye sight and motor skills diminish to the point that driving becomes dangerously difficult. This is a great loss of independence from them.
Their taste buds are not as keen, spicy food upset the stomach, and meals become challenging with fewer teeth. It is much easier to open a box or can instead of fixing a balanced meal. Even stairs are a nightmare; one more cause for falling and bruising. A broken hip can cause a domino effect of health issues resulting in death.
Forgetfulness is frustrating for both you and your parents. Simple things from finding keys and important papers to paying bills and remembering special dates are aggravating traumas. Hours are spent fruitlessly looking for something that is right in front of them. Being repeatedly asked the same question is annoying. To the forgetful parent, they don’t understand why you don’t want to answer their questions.
Worry overcomes the adult children’s minds asking questions, “What do I do if my parents are not able to care for themselves anymore? How do I make sure that their last days are lived with dignity? How will I cope with losing my parents?” As adult children, the process of making important decisions for parents is an agonizing anguish. It is hard to know if one is doing the right thing until it is done. Then it may be too late. So who knows? Meanwhile, that fear shadows each decision. The feeling of helplessness is aspirating, but there is no time to feel sorry for oneself.
Be sure not let these important decisions overwhelm the situation. Cherish each day, no matter what the struggles may be. Reassure your parents that they are not a burden and will be loved unconditionally until their very last breath. You will have time to grieve after they are gone; now is not the time.
By preparing all the necessary legal documents ahead of time, it will help set everyone’s mind at ease during your parent’s journey through their golden years. Knowing their requests will gracefully merge the bridge to their final wishes.
Will this hurt ever end? Probably not. There will always be a void in your life that only your parents can fill. Time will ease the pain, but fond memories keep will keep their legend alive.
Four Reasons to Eat Mexican Food
By Stevee Ashlock
It is cheap. Most meals start off with an endless basket of chips and salsa. Entrees are very inexpensive. At most restaurants, you can easily get a full meal for fewer than ten dollars. Some meals are big enough to share. Just ask for an extra plate, because there is no additional plate charge. If you fill up on chips, ask for a to go box for your entree leftovers. Take the chips, too.
It is fast. If time or hunger is an issue, Mexican food is prepared quite quickly. Therefore, if you are super hungry or in a major rush, you can eat immediately. By the time your return from washing your hands, your entree will be waiting for your enjoyment. Dig in!
It is hot. Be careful not to burn your mouth or hands, because Mexican food is served very hot! The plates are even hotter. Especially on a cold, winter day, what better way to warm up? Escape to the Mexican Baja in moments!
It is tasty. The aroma of the combination of the flavors used in Mexican foods is absolutely delicious…a mixture of fresh tomatoes, onions, peppers, frijoles and cheese. No matter what the combination of ingredients, just add a touch of sauce and side of rice and beans. Now you have the perfect meal!
Bonus: Since most Mexican restaurants are usually staffed with authentic Mexican natives, you can practice your Spanish! Enjoy the festive Latin music and only speak Spanish during your dining adventure. Viva Mexico!
Empowering Women in Gambia
By Stevee Ashlock
What a surprise, an invitation to The Republic of The Gambia, West Africa! It was extended from President Yahya Abdulaziz Jemus Junkung Jemmah, himself. I was the only female among our USA group from FSJ and Associates.
We were asked to assist President Yahya in the production of their February Independence Day celebrations, develop an international recording studio, and create an entertainment educational course for the university students in Banjul. Additionally, Vice President Isatul Njie-Saide requested us to aid in the Gambian Women’s Empowerment program.
Being a motivational speaker and dedicated charity advocate, I was elated! After intense preparation and numerous shots, I was off on my long journey. A day and a half later, I was exhausted when I arrived in Banjul, still gagging from the stench of the sheepherders and the pesticide fumigation in Dakar, Senegal.
Gambia is located on the West Coast of Africa near the Equator. It surrounds a delta on the desert’s edge. I was greeted by roaming goats and Ebu, my chauffeur/bodyguard. I was not allowed in public without him. I quickly understood why.
Besides being election year and threats by the Opposition Party, the natives would grab my blonde hair and fair-skinned arms, and then want to shake my hand. Their yellowish eyes told their stories of poverty and sickness. I kept telling myself, “Use lots of sanitizer!” Disease runs rampant there – Aids, Hepatitis, Malaria, Meningitis, West Nile, Bird Flu, etc.
At ten dollars (US) for bottled water, I rationed it throughout the day, saving drops for brushing my teeth before bed. That was okay, because restrooms were virtually non-existent. If I found one, there would be no toilet paper and had rancid sewage on the floor. Besides water, my diet consisted of grapefruit, pineapple, pastries, meatless pizza, and moldy cheese.
Gambians view Americans as wealthy, because the average laborer makes only one dollar (US) per day, works six days a week, and is paid once a month. Even though women were given the right to vote two years ago, most are not allowed to work outside their family commune. Therefore, the poverty stricken women and children swarm the tourists begging feverishly.
Muslims account for 95% of the population. A Muslim man may marry four wives, each having five children on average. With twenty-five hungry mouths to feed, most of their money is spent on rice and beans. Due to malnutrition, it is common to see children with bloated bellies and bony arms and legs.
By law when a woman marries, she is required to convert to her husband’s religion; therefore, Muslim men will purposely seek out Christian women. Additionally, Muslim schools offer free education verses public schools with expensive fees. This creates a religious stronghold on the children from youth.
Another method of ultimate control is through the Witch Doctor’s voodoo. Wives are threatened with a death hex if they are disobedient or leave their husbands. In reality, it is not the hex that will cause their demise; it is malnutrition, disease, the lack of education and no income.
Even though the Gambian women live in a male dominated society, their spirits search for truth and dignity. During Christian church services, the Muslim women often spy over the back walls outside while listening to the sermon on the loud speakers. They are camouflaged in multiple layers of cloth to conceal their identity.
I was honored to be a guest at the presidential dinner celebrations and excited to mingle with other world leaders, but my highlight was inspiring the Banjul students to live fulfilling lives and to keep hope. The young ladies were so appreciative; they gave me a set of scarves.
African life is difficult! Their everyday challenges are to find the basics – food, clothing and shelter. The key to empowerment is to become less in order to become more. Empowerment comes in the least expected moment, causing one to courageously rise above the circumstances that surround them.
I will always remember the kinder spirits of the Gambian people; they are the most gracious I have ever known. I am not sure if I would willingly volunteer for another tour of duty in Africa; but if asked, I probably would go again.
Flying Hobos
By Stevee Ashlock
Flying hobos, that is what it has come down to for the frequent flyers. We have become a disgusted group of stinky, ungroomed, ugly, thirsty travelers - no deodorant, toothpaste, cologne, cosmetics, shaving cream and lotion…plus, no water.
This is homeland security? How ridiculous! Obviously, this is another display of our government’s brilliant reactive policies. For once, could they be proactive and have some common sense?
Growing up in the hobo capital of the world, Britt, Iowa, I recognize the similarities between the flying hobos and the real hobos that hop the traveling freight trains. Every August, the hobos descend on Britt for the National Hobo Convention for the crowning of their new King and Queen.
The hobos parade the streets from their floats throwing candy and trinkets. Later, they gather in the city park for the crowning coronation and endless pots of Mulligan stew. Hmm…come to think of it, they are treated like royalty compared to current airline travelers.
On a recent cross country flight, I was so thirsty by the time the flight attendant arrived with the drink cart, I requested two drinks. I was given a dirty look and a miniature bag of pretzels. I didn’t care and placed my order one more time!
Why wouldn’t I be thirsty? I was instructed to arrive several hours early for TSA security processing and not allowed to bring water with me. I was not going to pay the outrageous price the concourse food court was charging for a beverage. Makes me think they are in collaboration with TSA.
I have a solution to our security problems. First, have paper booties available for passengers to wear on their feet when walking on the nasty floor through the TSA security machine. Second, have a TSA gift bag of safely packaged toiletries and bottled water waiting on the other side of the TSA security check point for each passenger. Third, have TSA plastic locking ties available at the check-in counter for bags that do not have TSA locks. If TSA locks are used, by all means, there is no excuse to cut the lock off!
We the people would like to take back our country. The United States of America was built on freedom, not control. Our human rights are in gross violation. Common sense and logic must take precedence over created fear, misinformation and reactive policies. We are tired of being humiliated and want our voices heard.
After all, we do not want an embarrassing country full of flying hobos!
Code Red Alert: The Humans are Missing!
By Stevee Ashlock
Customer service is quickly becoming an extinct, lost art form; gas stations, grocery stores, post office, but especially in the airline business. Humans are being replaced by “do it yourself” check-in station counters. If you dare check-in with the curbside skycap, you will be charged $2 per bag on top of the usual generous tip given. (I have yet to figure out the reasoning.)
Only after you check yourself in, the ticket agent (basically a luggage tagger) puts your preprinted luggage tag on your baggage and tells you where to take your luggage for security screening; thus, rendering the conveyor belts behind them useless. Once through the security and by the gates, most major airlines have customer service counter for rebooking. It has become common practice for the airlines to replace their “human staff” with an abundance of red phones placed on the counter top with a toll free number posted on the wall overhead, aided by more “do it yourself” check-in stations.
Additionally, when a customer asks an airline personnel where to make a complaint, they are referred to a website, yet another “non-human” contact. Boy, this sure makes me feel appreciated and gives me a warm fuzzy! How about you?
In-flight beverage and food service seems to be an optional choice for the flight attendants. If you have a group of lazy flight attendants, like I did on a recent flight, they won’t even come when the service light is on! They seem to disappear at take off and magically reappear barking orders just before landing. If a service cart does come by, expect to pay high prices for prepackaged, tasteless food and $2 for bottled water.
Since customers are now required to check themselves in and handle their own baggage, I ask, “What’s next? Will be required to fly the plane, too?” Furthermore, to save time and effort for the TSA employees, why don’t the travelers show up naked and put their clothes on after they are threw the security check point?
With airlines clamoring for business, many claiming substantial losses even bankruptcy, why haven’t the overpaid airline high executives figured things out? The airfare price may attract customers the first time, but it is excellence in customer service that keeps them returning and in business.
Stevee Ashlock presents:
10 Image Tips for the Professional
1. Update Your Wardrobe
• Keep current with contemporary styles, without being a slave to fashion or fads. Avoid getting stuck in one era.
• Buy sturdy, tailored separates to mix and match in neutral solid colors. Complete with a variety of accessories.
• Be careful not to wear distracting jewelry. You want the focus to be on you, not the jewelry.
• Women: Shoes should be closed toed with heels no higher than 3” and worn with flesh tone hosiery. Avoid ornate decorations on shoes or patterned hosiery.
• Men: Shoes should be polished leather dress shoes and worn with socks that coordinate with trousers.
2. Update Your Hairstyle/Make-up
• Keep your hairstyle fresh, natural and well trimmed.
• Avoid radical hairstyles or colors.
• Update your style at least once every other year, making sure it age appropriate and compliments you today. It should suite your lifestyle and personality.
• Have your hair professionally colored.
• Women: As you age, adjust your make-up to enhance your features, not disguise them. Focus on one facial feature at a time; such as, lips or eyes.
• Men: Use powder for photos and TV.
3. Be Well Groomed
• Treat yourself to a professional manicure and pedicure.
• Moisturize your hands to keep them soft for hand shaking.
• Keep unwanted facial and body hair removed.
• Freshen up throughout the day.
• Use cologne sparingly.
4. Smile
• Brush your teeth and tongue regularly.
• Floss your teeth regularly.
• Check your breath often.
• Get regular dental check ups.
• Keep up with your dental work.
• Straighten your teeth.
• Whiten your teeth.
• Smile from the heart with sincerity.
5. Practice Manners & Etiquette
• Be polite and gracious.
• Keep eye contact. Avoid distractions.
• Give a firm handshake.
• Be an active listener. See things from others point of view.
• Do not interrupt a when someone is speaking with you.
• When possible, be politically correct.
• Be assertive, not aggressive.
6. Use Proper Grammar
• Properly pronounce your words.
• Speak slowly and clearly.
• Be careful not to use regional dialect.
• Avoid slang or inside terminology.
7. Voice Control
• Be expressive with your words. Paint a picture.
• Flex your voice, using both the upper and lower ranges.
• Use the lower voice range when be authoritative.
• Open your mouth and use your diaphragm to increase the power of your voice.
8. Join Toastmasters International
• Perfect your public speaking skills.
• Safe place to explore new concepts and presentations.
• Receive valuable feedback.
• Network your business.
9. Volunteer
• Give back to your community.
• Show you care.
• Be part of something bigger than yourself.
• Leave a legacy.
10. Have Fun
• Enjoy what you do.
• Live with passion and purpose.
• Set goals, but be flexible.
• Learn to laugh at yourself.
• Never give up!