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Hear Say by Stevee Ashlock  A Syndicated Column...for news, gossip, tips, advice, thoughts and quotes
If you have a question or comment for Stevee Ashlock, please email it to Stevee@StoneybrookProductions.net. ATTENTION: This information is utmost important that I have decided to put it first! If you are in a relationship...whether it be marriage, dating, friends, family, or even a working situation, PLEASE beware of these warning signs to an abusive situation. You never know someone's breaking point or what they could be capable of doing. It may be too late at that point and cost your life and/or someone elses that you care about. 5 WARNING SIGNS TO ABUSE - JEALOUSY - Possessiveness is not flattering. It is a form of control. Beware of. "I just love you so much!". What they are really saying is, "If I can't have you, no one else will!"
- CONTROL - Where you go, who you see, how the money is spent, what you wear, who you talk to, what you do, etc.
- DEGRADING - Words or actions...even in a minimal degree.
- THREATS - To you, your family, your friends, your co-workers, etc.
- ISOLATION - Attempts to cut you off from family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, church, etc. Never lets you go out alone.
Put a stop to abuse in the very beginning. Make the guidelines very clear. Make the consequences even more clear! Know that you are NOT alone. There are many others who have been through this situation and have received the help needed. People are willing to help...just ask! Please call the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE: 1-800-799-SAFE Questions & Answers: Q: I travel quite often and many times I am required to check out of my room early, long before my flight. Is it safe to leave my bags with the bellhop? Anne M. Pleasant Hill, CA A: If you are leaving your bags for more than a few moments, ask for your bags to be locked in a secure room, not left out in the open for anyone passing by to take. Be sure to lock all bags. If you have valuables, keep them in the hotel safe...but don't forget them when you retrieve your luggage. Q: I suffer from the beginning stages of Arthritis, but hate to take medication. Is there any alternative solutions to ease the pain? Pam H. Las Vegas, NV A: Yes! You would be surprised how common this is. Many people like yourself are tired of the media and doctors pushing pills on us for every ache and pain. It seems like most medications come with side effects, which are often worse than the symptons. Here are a few suggestions to try: Drink tea - Drink one to two cups of green tea daily. Green tea is rich in polypbenols. These compounds suppress the key element involved in Arthritis inflammation. Take Vitamin C and D - Recommend daily dosage: 500 - 1000 mg of Vitamin C and 400 IU's of Vitamin D. Studies have shown that these two vitamins are believed to slow the loss of cartilage. Eat grapes - Eat one cup of white or red grapes daily. The skin of a grape contains resveratrol. Resveratrol acts as an antioxidant and a COX-2 inhibitor.
Q: My seven year old daughter often says hurtful things to my husband and me. Why is she doing this, and how can we stop it? Vicky H. Atlanta, GA A: Most children say hurtful things to their parents when they do not get their way. Therefore, as hard as it is, do not react when these types of comments are made...no matter how nasty they are! REMEMBER...PARENTING IS NOT A POPULARITY CONTEST! The child is throwing verbal darts at you, hoping one will stick. When they figure out which one hurts the most, that is the one they will twist in. That is why it is so important not to react. Explain to your child that life is full of rewards and consequences...based on their choices. If they choose to listen and obey, life can be wonderful; but if they choose to not to listen and disobey, life will be miserable...and they only have themself to blame, not you. Tell the child that you will not accept the responsibility of their choices...that is up to them. Additionally, let the child know that if they do not like what they are getting, then they need to change what they are giving! Set strong guidelines and boundaries, establish a consequence and reward system, follow through and most of all...be consistant. Wishing you the best! Q: It is that time of the year when I reflect on this past year. I am at the place in my life that I want to make some major changes. Where do I start? B. DeLange Chicago, IL A: The most important thing is to keep BALANCE in your life. Life is a LIFE LONG journey taken with daily steps. Keep focused on what you want and be willing to adjust things along the way. Here are a few key thoughts to keep in mind when making your New Year's Resolutions. 1. Enjoy and celebrate the small things in everyday living. Sometimes it is too easy to get caught up in all the troubles you have. By focusing on what is wrong, you do not see what is RIGHT! 2. Adjust your attitude to determine your outcomes. Decisions are determined by thoughts, which are determined by your attitude. Therefore, your ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING! 3. Stop worrying; it is useless energy. Worry is giving away your personal power to things that may never happen. But if you worry about it long enough, you will set yourself up for it to happen! 4. Choose power over pity. Allowing yourself to wallow in self-induced pity is the worst state of mind you can be in. It is a helpless mind frame that opens yourself to a snowball of disasters. Instead, recognize that things happen, you will get through this, and you will be better once you emerge on the other side.
5. Choose to be better than to be bitter. Once you survive a tough time, you choose to either be better or to become bitter. Again...the choice is all up to you! I don't see how becoming bitter will help you accomplish your goals, dreams and life's purpose. It is through your struggles, that you learn and grow. Don't waste that experience and knowledge on being bitter! You cannot have POWER without experience. 6. Make stars out of your scars. We all fall down. We all have battle wounds. They become part of our stories. Do not let your scars determine your self-worth; instead, let them define your life's purpose. 7. Simplify your life. KISS: Keeping It So Simple! If something is not important to you or not relevant any longer in your life, rid yourself of it. Do not keep pouring wasted energy, time and money into something that doesn't count. Q: Volunteering is not something my husband and I have much time to do, but I would like to teach our child the value of giving to others unconditionally. How do I present this idea to my family? AJ Pauley Chicago, IL A: First, I would like to commend you for being in tune with the needs of others, especially those who are in a less fortunate situation. This is an extremely valuable lesson to teach young people and brings many rewards! Have a talk with your husband explaining that volunteer work is essential to your child's growth - mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Be sure to hit on these key points: - It will help the child have a good feeling about them self as a useful person. Plus, it will teach them empathy.
- The child will see adults setting an example, which will set good habits and standards for their future.
- It will help the child to understand commitment for a cause and responsibility to follow through.
- The child will come in contact with all different types of people. This will teach them team work, communication, understanding and tolerance skills.
Sit the everyone down together to go over your family volunteer plan. Ask for your child's input. You will be surprised at the incredible ideas your child may have. Try to inlcude as many of these ideas into your family volunteer plan as possible. One person CAN make a difference! Two can make twice the difference... If you would like to get involved, please check out these websites: Q: What is the best way to stay healthy this winter? C.V. Des Moines, IA A: WASH YOUR HANDS PROPERLY AND REGULARLY! To properly wash your hands: wet your hand with warm water, apply soap, and rub together vigorously into a lather while scrubbing all surfaces for 20 seconds. Rinse under warm, running water. If available, dry with paper towels and throw away. If not, you can air dry them. If you cannot wash your hands with soap and water, use sanitary hand gel or alcohol wipes. Clean under your finger nails when dirty! Clean hands with dirty fingernails still contain contaminated germs. Be sure to wash your hands: - Before eating
- Before, during, and after handling, preparing, cooking, or serving food
- After using the bathroom
- After changing a diaper
- After handling animals and/or thier items
- After touching anything that contains waste, like garbage cans
- Before doing anything medical, like taking medication or dressing a wound
- Before inserting your contact lenses
- Often when you come in contact with someone who is sick
Q: I recently started dating an old flame. We have been separated for several years. He says he needs to get to know me all over again in order to let me back into his life. He does not want to really do anything but stay home and watch TV, while I do his laundry and clean his house. Yet, he is always anxious to go to the bedroom for activities. Is there any future in this relationship? B.A. Las Vegas, NV A: What you see is what you get! Do not expect him to change his behavior. Sounds like he has become lazy since you left him the first time. You might want to consider leaving him the second time. Obvisiously, all he really missed was your maid and bedroom service. Tell him to use the Yellow Pages for that! Wishing you the best in your search for a new man. Q: My cousin is dealing with the death of a close relative. He get very depressed at times. How can I help? Anonymous A: First, if your cousin is considering suicide, then he will need professional help immediately to stop any harm he may cause himself. There are suicide hotlines that can help him process his feelings and get the necessary medical attention. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) The best thing you can do is to be there to listen and be a sounding board. Let him talk and tell him it is okay to cry. He needs to let the pain out, or it will destroy him on the inside. Let him know that you understand he is hurting, but the hurt will soften in time. Steer him away from focusing on the death and the things he will be missing with this person abscent. Instead, celebrate the life of the person. Talk about all the fun times they had together. Lastly, keep him moving. Do not allow him to be alone in a dark room in a depressed mode. Go for a walk, throw a football, go to a movie, etc. Q: What advice can you give to my friend who is in a physically abusive relationship and wants to leave? Her boyfriend has threaten to hunt her down and make her life miserable if she leaves him. K.G. Roswell, GA A: If she needs to leave ASAP, then contact the local police department and ask to be taken to a local safe shelter. If she chooses not to do that, then she must start gathering an escape fund and figuring out a plan. If he is violent, go to your local police department, fill out an incident report and have him arrested. While he is in jail, leave! Let the police know where you are headed. Tell them you will check in with them once you arrive at your new location. My suggestion is leave town and move as far away as possible...preferably another state! DO NOT GO TO YOUR RELATIVES! That is the first place he will look. DO NOT LEAVE A FORWARDING ADDRESS. DO NOT TELL ANYONE WHERE YOU ARE GOING, NOT EVEN YOUR BEST FRIEND. Just in case he tries to get the information out of your family, friends or co-workers, they will not know anything to tell. Once you get to your new place, go to the local police station to make them aware that you have a report on file with the police department from your previous residence and may need protection in the future. Keep a low profile, take extreme caution and safety measures. Don't let your guard down. Be smart...stay alive! Q: What should I do when someone is spreading vicious gossip and down right lies about me to others and on the Internet? S.S. Las Vegas, NV A: It is hard to ignore the hurtfulness that is caused by gossip and lies, especially when you have very little recourse. The person that is using this behavior to trash you, obviously, has unresolved issues them self! In their twisted mind, they are attempting to "get even" with you over something they think you did or did not do...or something they feel you did not give them that they were expecting from you. This type of behavior often happens when someone of the opposite sex becomes infatuated with you, and it is not reciprocated by you. WARNING: This situation could easily turn into stalking. So be careful not to aggravate them by attempting revenge. Outside of contacting the Internet sites to remove the vicious attacks against you, the best method is "no reaction" at all. Q: When promoting your business product or service, how "pushy" or bold should the advertisement be? A.M., Dunwoody, GA A: You want to set the stage with your advertisement, which needs to lead your potential customer through the purchasing process while showing them value in your product and/or service. This process needs to direct potential customers as to what the next step needs to be; for example, call, email, go to a website, or come in. The exception to this would be when the ad needs to focus on a special sale price, limited supply or limited time offer. Q: What one thing can a business person do to increase their revenue? M.O., Sandy Springs, GA A: Improve their image, both personal and business! Image starts within oneself with your own sense of self-worth and self-confidence. From there, it infiltrates into every aspect of your life, both personal and business. It will affect each relationship, both personal and business. Do you start to understand what I am saying? Your life intertwines among all aspects. Last tip: Master your language skills! This includes: proper speech free of regional accents, writing skills and non-verbal signals. Q: My teenager doesn't want to listen to me or obey the house rules, especially curfew. What do I do? B.B., Minneapolis, MN A: This is a common frustration that most parents face. To fully answer your question, it would require me to write a book! Hmm? Meanwhile, explain to your youngster the simple fact that this is YOUR home, and it has rules that the people inside live by. "The parents make their own rules for their own house, and while the children are living in this house, the rules apply to everyone." As the parent, you must be very clear as to the consequences for breaking the house rules or disobeying. When the child choices poor behavior and not to comply with the parents rules, then privileges must be immediately removed! (Make sure it is something that they really care about, or it will not make an impact.) They may earn these privileges back through cooperation and family participation. Last tip: FOLLOW THROUGH! If you say you are going to do something, DO IT! Avoid falling into the "feeling guilty" trap. The child needs to be aware that they alone brought this action upon them self. You are teaching responsibility for their behavior.
| Quotes Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it. Bumper sticker Don't waste TODAY; you may not have TOMORROW! Joyce Meyer If you constantly look over your shoulder, your past becomes your future! Dr. Phil It is impossible to empower yourself while you are blaming others for your choices. Blame is just an excuse to keep oneself from performing at their peak potential. Stevee Ashlock Most often when you run away from a situation, you ultimately end up re-creating it in another format. Stevee Ashlock I blame you for nothing, but I forgive you for everything. Mary J. Blige All your pain is about YOU. You have a choice in how to deal with it. Oprah Winfrey Listening to the wrong person who does not have your best interest in mind, will rob you of your beautiful life you would otherwise be living. Stevee Ashlock Thoughts to Ponder The more you know, the less you don't know. But you may not know that you don't know. Be more concerned about what you don't know! If you take a burden to God in prayer, then get off your knees and continue to worry about it...you took your troubles back, telling God that He was not powerful enough to do His job. Obviously, if you could have solved the situation yourself, then you would not be in prayer in the first place. Therefore, let GOD do HIS job! A victim and a volunteer are one of the same. You will stop volunteering to be a victim when you are so sick and tired of it that you will not tolerate it for one more second! There is no RIGHT way to do WRONG! Self-mastery is the key to the Universe. It is not weak to seek advice...that is why world leaders have advisory committees. Life is not a rat race. It is an endurance test of strength to survive and perserverance to thrive.
| Tips Hotel Tips: Certain things in hotel rooms never get cleaned, especially, TV remotes, telephones and clock radios. Bring antibacterial wipes to clean these items before using. When packing to leave, double check all drawers, closets, under the bed, under the counter, back of the bathroom door and outlets. The number item left behind is a cell phone charger. Good news, if you forgot yours at home, check with the hotel lost and found...they may have a loaner for you to use. IRS Audit: You are only required to bring the information relating to the specific tax year listed in the aidut notice. NEVER bring files or receipts from any other year, except if you are asked to because it relates to the year under audit. Make sure those documents are required first before you produce them. Barbecue Safety Tips: Always read all the operational directions and warning labels before starting. Never light a grill near dry grassy areas. Be sure that the grill is positioned away from the siding of the house, deck railings or overhanging tree branches. Always have a fire extinguisher and water handy in case of an emergency. Be careful not to wear loose clothing or anything that dangles while grilling. Once lit, do not add additional lighter fluid to coals. If it does not ignite, DO NOT stand over it to check it out. Instead, put it out with water and depose of it and start again. Clean up grease drips cleaned off of pan below. This could cause a secondary fire. Keep a watchful eye on children at all times! Children should refrain from coming within three feet of a lighted grill. When finished, douse coals with plenty of cool water and stir the coals until the fire goes out completely. Wait until coals have cooled to depose of them. To be safe, do not place used coals in a plastic or paper bag. Also, avoid wood containers.
MS 911: - Calcium: 1200 mg daily will help relieve bad moods and bloating.
- Vitamin B6: 50-100mg will reduce breast tenderness and boast mood.
- Magnesium: 300-1000mg will soothe your nerves and fight migraines.
- Omega-3 Fatty Acids: 1000-5000 mg will create more "feel good" serotonin.
- Vitamin E: 400 International Units will help relieve cramps and reduce breast tenderness.
Crafts Handmade Bird Feeder: 1. Collect several large pine cones from your yard. 2. Attach fishing wire or a wire hanger to pine cone for hanging. 3. Cover the pine cones with a thin layer of peanut butter. 4. Roll in birdseed. Make sure to press it in between the pine cone petals. 5. Hang the pine cones on a tree nearby a window and watch the birds celebrate the holidays! |
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